


Wild Horses Couldn't Drag Me Away

by sailorsdelight



Category: Angel: the Series, Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-16
Updated: 2013-02-16
Packaged: 2017-11-29 13:09:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/687307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sailorsdelight/pseuds/sailorsdelight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Future fic. Buffy and Angel struggle to start a family of their own. Angsty at times with a happy ending.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Anything recognizable from Buffy the Vampire Slayer and/or Angel belongs to the creators of the show and not me. The song "Wild Horses" is by The Rolling Stones/The Sundays.

**Childhood living is easy to do**   
**The things you wanted I bought them for you**   
**Graceless lady, you know who I am,**   
**You know I can't let you slide through my hands**

Buffy blinked away a few tears that were welling in her eyes as she peered at the tiny stick of plastic. Never had a single, horizontal, solid blue dash been so upsetting. She squinted at the stick, hoping maybe that would change it. Seeing that it wasn't going to change, Buffy sighed and leaned against the bathroom counter. Never taking her eyes off the blue dash peeking out of the tiny window on the stick she slowly sank down to the ground. Resting her forehead against her hand she thought back to the conversation that led her to being crouched on the bathroom floor holding a negative pregnancy test.

* * *

_Three months earlier…_

"So Dawn, how's school going?" Angel asked before taking a sip of his beer. Buffy placed the chicken dish in the center of the table as she sat down in her seat. Dawn, who had been digging into the mashed potatoes instantly perked up at her brother-in-law's question. She took any chance she could to talk about college.

"It's so good!" she said excitedly. "I love all my classes and even though it's a lot of work it keeps me busy, not too, too busy though, I mean I still have friends and a social life and – "

"Okay you love college, we get it," Buffy said with a strained smile, cutting her sister off.

Dawn rolled her eyes. "Just because you were terrible at anything school related doesn't mean I can't share my success." Buffy shot her a glare and then looked to her husband for help. He just shrugged at her as if to say, "She's your sister".

Although avoiding little tiffs like this was nearly impossible with the Summers sisters, Buffy was grateful for any time she could get with her younger sister. Dawn was in her freshman year at UCLA and was staying with Buffy and Angel for the weekend to visit since she so rarely saw them. About a month or so after Angel had showed broken up at Buffy's apartment in Rome after his fight with the Senior Partners, Willow had found a way to bind his soul. They officially got back together after that and have been inseparable ever since. They traveled frequently and had lived all over the world due to the many slayers that kept popping up everywhere. That was Buffy and Angel's main job; to locate, recruit, and train new slayers. They would introduce them to their calling and then give them the choice to stay where they were, be relocated somewhere else that needed them, or to just completely ignore the calling all together. Buffy completely reinvented the slayer tradition by actually giving the young girls a chance to choose their future.

With hundreds of trained slayers stationed all over the world, demons and vampires were few and far between. The girls' main purpose was to keep an eye out for anything suspicious and to let the bad guys know that they weren't letting their guard down. It was on a trip to find a new slayer that Buffy and Angel ran into some demons with an extremely rare and particularly nasty plot to suck the world into hell. It was after they defeated the demons that Angel Shanshued and became human (with some not so human strength…just in case). Buffy and Angel saw this latest attempt at an apocalypse as the demon's last hurrah and Angel's human transformation as the Powers' way of telling them to retire. Since Angel signed away his Shanshu to gain the trust of the Circle of the Black Thorn, he asked Giles to look into why he was alive. Giles found that Angel's signature never really meant anything. A prophecy is written in stone; it will happen. Simply signing it won't change what has already been destined to happen.

Almost immediately after Angel regained his humanity, he proposed to Buffy and they had a small intimate beach wedding at sunset. Since then, Buffy and Angel have been doing mainly management and administrative duties for the slayer compound. They made another smaller compound in Los Angeles for girls who wanted to stay in the States instead of going to the larger one in Rome. Buffy and Angel were currently living in LA to be closer to Dawn (who wanted to go to school there) and their friends (who wanted to move back to the US after traveling so much).

The dinner conversation moved away from Dawn's college life and fell into a comfortable silence as they ate. The quiet was broken when Dawn said suddenly, "You know what we need around here?"

"What?" Buffy said distractedly before taking a sip of her drink.

"Some babies," Dawn answered. Buffy choked on her drink at Dawn's words and after a few coughs to clear her throat looked up across the table at Angel who had a forkful of chicken that was paused mid-air on its journey to his mouth.

Buffy pulled her eyes away from her husband's to glare at her sister. "Excuse me?" she asked.

Dawn scrambled for an explanation to her request, not expecting the shock it would cause Buffy and Angel. "I just mean, well you guys are married now, and Angel's human, and isn't that what married people do?" At their blank looks she continued. "Oh come on, you two don't even slay anymore! It's not like the baby wouldn't be safe! And besides, I really want to be an Aunt."

After a tense beat, Buffy stood up and started to clear the table. "Well just because you want something is no reason for people to just start having babies Dawn!" Buffy said in a voice much higher than normal as she hurriedly cleared away Angel and Dawn's plates, regardless of whether or not they were done eating.

After Buffy had done all the dishes and finally realized that there was nothing left in the spacious kitchen to clean, Buffy wandered through the living room of the penthouse, looking for something else to clean, anything that would get her mind off the awkward topic brought up at dinner. Sure, there was nothing that she wanted more than to have a family with Angel, but she always viewed it as something that was unattainable or at least in the far off future. She was so preoccupied with the assumption that they could never have normal that she didn't realize that they had become normal. Buffy froze as the realization struck her that they could do this. There was only one question remaining; was she ready to become a mother?

Buffy slowly walked towards her and Angel's bedroom where she knew he was. She had avoided him since dinner with Dawn and finally plucked up the courage to talk about what she knew was an inevitable conversation. She quietly opened the door and walked in to find Angel walking out of the bathroom in nothing put a pair of grey sweatpants to sleep in. Buffy gulped as she glanced at his toned and bare chest. What was is about that man that could still turn her to a puddle of mush after all these years?

Angel stopped in his tracks as he saw his wife enter the room. He could tell there was a lot on her mind and offered her a warm smile. His smile widened when she cut right to the chase; it was a very Buffy thing to do.

"Look I know what Dawn said was…" she trailed off, unable to think of the right word to finish the sentence with.

"Interesting," Angel finished for her with a smile.

Buffy looked up at him with wide eyes and said, "I was going to say 'silly', but…" Angel just continued to smile at her and she gasped and clapped her hand over her mouth as she realized what he was trying to say.

"Oh my God…you want to?" she said, breathing heavily. "You want to have a baby?" she finished with a squeak.

Angel walked towards her and placed his large, warm hands on her shoulders. "Buffy, all I've ever wanted to do is to have a family with you." When he saw tears well up in her eyes he quickly added, "I completely understand if you're not ready though. I mean I've been waiting over two hundred and fifty years to do this, and you're only twenty-six-"

"No!" Buffy said, cutting him off. "I was so caught up with the whole 'being normal' thing that I never realized that I was…am ready."

Angel flashed her a brilliant smile and dipped his head to kiss her deeply. Buffy wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled herself closer to him. She pulled away briefly to whisper huskily, "Why don't we get started?" Angel let out a chuckle and led her backwards toward the bed.

* * *

Buffy almost laughed at herself as she thought back to that day. How simple it had seemed then. How  _normal_. Buffy shuddered at that word. She should know that nothing was ever normal for her. She was angry at herself for getting so upset; how could she expect that she and Angel would get everything they ever wanted? Things didn't work that way for them. She picked herself up off the bathroom floor and wrapped the negative pregnancy test in toilet paper before tossing it in the garbage can.

Buffy walked into the bedroom and started to get ready for another day. Angel had left early to go to the LA slayer training facility to get some things done, and Buffy "overslept" so she could take yet another pregnancy test in private.

Later that day, Buffy was in the small kitchen at the slayer compound trying to make herself a cup of coffee. She had been fiddling with the machine for a few minutes now and was starting to get really frustrated. Buffy nearly jumped out of her skin when Willow walked into the kitchen.

"God Willow, you scared me," Buffy said before turning back to the coffee maker.

Willow gave her a strange look and opened the refrigerator and taking a look inside. "You okay? You're not usually that…jumpy," Willow asked.

"Yeah," Buffy said, still focused on the coffee pot. "I just can't get this…" she paused, still trying to get it to work. " _Stupid_  thing to work!" Buffy exclaimed, slamming her fist on the counter before taking a step back from it.

Willow looked worriedly at her best friend. She tentatively took a step towards the offending machine and pressed a few buttons before turning to look at Buffy. Buffy knew Willow was staring intently at her but she just at the coffee that started to drip into the pot.

"Are you sure you're okay? You've been tense all day," Willow said.

With a sigh Buffy ran her hand through her hair and said, "Yeah it's nothing, really." Willow continued to give Buffy her resolve face. "Alright! Enough with the third degree!" She took a deep breath before continuing. "It's just that…well, I was…late this month and I just thought…It was stupid, I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up like that," Buffy finished, looking down.

Willow's eyes widened. "You mean you thought you were-." Buffy nodded before she could finish. "Oh Buffy…" Willow said with concern for her best friend. "I'm so sorry, I know that you and Angel have been trying…I just always thought, well I don't really know what I thought. How long have you been trying?"

Buffy looked up, blinking tears out of her eyes as she thought. "Three, maybe four months?" The two women stood in silence for a few moments, both not sure what to say. Finally Willow spoke first.

"Buffy, I would ask Giles about it. What if it's something you know…supernaturally related? Slayers and ex-vampires don't usually try to have children, it could be something having to do with that."

Buffy offered her friend a small smile. "Thanks Willow, I'll ask him about it."

Willow placed her hand on her friends arm. "Buffy, you and Angel are meant to have a family. You guys deserve it, more than anything."

Buffy sighed and said, "Yeah, I know," in a quiet voice.

Buffy walked into her office, glad to have some peace and quiet where she could think. She sat down behind her desk and stared at the phone before picking it up. She dialed the familiar number to the slayer compound in Rome where Giles was staying for a few weeks.

"Hello?" said a British voice that Buffy couldn't help but smile at.

"Hey Giles," Buffy said.

"Buffy! How are you? It's been a while."

"Yeah, I know. I'm good, how are things in Rome?"

"Everything seems to be going good here, all under control."

Buffy smiled and was glad to hear that everything was okay. "I just had a question, or a favor to ask you." Now came the difficult part.

"Of course," Giles said, telling her to continue.

"Um, I was wondering if you could do some research on, um, slayer pregnancies?"

There was a long pause before Giles stammered, "Pregnancies? Are you… I mean I knew that you and Angel were trying, but I didn't realize that you were…"

"Oh, no, we…we're not," Buffy said with a tinge of sadness in her voice. "We're not pregnant. But the thing is that we've been trying for a few months now and it's just been…difficult. Willow thought that it might be something supernaturally related, with me being a slayer and Angel being a vampire turned human, that's making it more difficult. I was just hoping that you could find out some stuff that might help. Other slayers who have had children, that kind of thing."

"Yes, of course I will look into it. Maybe you should ask Willow if she can find some fertility spell or -"

"No," Buffy said cutting him off. "I want any spells or anything, I just want it to be…"

"Normal," Giles said finishing for her.

"Yeah," Buffy replied with a sigh. "Normal."

God she hated that word.


	2. Chapter 2

It was two days after Buffy called Giles that he returned her call with whatever information he had gotten. She was sitting on the couch with Angel after dinner one night watching a hockey game; or at least Angel was watching a hockey game. Buffy was curled up and leaning against him and flicking through a magazine while Angel occasionally yelled at the TV. Buffy barely heard the phone ring over the noise of the game and looked to Angel to answer it since it was right next to him on the side table next to the couch. When it was apparent that he was not going to answer the phone, Buffy sighed and Angel barely registered her reaching across him to grab the phone.

"Hello?" Buffy said loudly over the noise of the TV.

"Buffy, it's Giles, I have some information for you and Angel," came Giles' voice through the phone.

"Oh, hey Giles! Hang on a sec," Buffy said before covering the mouthpiece with her hand and gesturing for Angel to mute the TV, "It's Giles," she mouthed at him. Angel snapped his attention to his wife and quickly muted the TV as Buffy put Giles on speaker phone.

"Okay, you're on speaker. So what'd you find?" Buffy asked eagerly.

"Well I looked through all the Council's records and background information on previous slayers as well as dozens and dozens of Watcher's Diaries," Giles told the couple.

Buffy and Angel glanced at each other and Buffy pressed him on by saying, "Okay…"

"The only slayer ever recorded to have a child was Nikki Wood. Robin's mother."

"Yeah, I knew that Giles, could you find any others?"

"No," Giles said. Angel stole another glance at his wife to see her reaction. Buffy just kept staring at the phone, unable to look Angel in the eyes. "Buffy, there's something you need to know about slayers. When a girl is called to be a slayer her body is transformed so that its sole purpose is to fight. Slayers aren't meant to have children; they may physically be unable to have children…" Giles finished quietly.

Angel sighed and leaned back into the couch as Buffy pressed Giles for more information. "But Nikki Wood-"

"Had Robin before she was called," Giles finished for her. Buffy sat in stunned silence for a few moments, gathering her thoughts. Of course something like this would happen to her and Angel. As soon as Angel turns human and they can be somewhat of a normal married couple the Powers just had to throw this in. If it wasn't Angel being unable to give them a normal life it had to be Buffy.

"Well, what do we do now?" Buffy asked quietly.

Giles sighed before answering. "I would advise you to see a doctor, maybe get some fertility testing done."

"Fertility testing?" Angel asked sitting up.

"Yes, fertility problems are very common with normal couples."

"Giles, we're not normal," Buffy said quietly, looking down at her hands in her lap.

"Yes, I-I'm aware…but Buffy, no slayer has even ever tried to have children before. It was simply unheard of. You are probably the first slayer in history to try and get pregnant, explaining why I couldn't find any information of slayers conceiving and giving birth; it's just never happened before," Giles explained. "But really, you two should see a doctor; they may be able to help in ways I can't."

After thanking Giles and saying goodbye, Buffy clicked the speaker button on the phone, hanging up. She looked over at Angel who was looking back at her intently. "Now what?" she asked him.

Angel leaned forward and wrapped an arm around his wife and pulled her in close to his chest. He kissed her forehead and ran his fingers through her blonde hair as they lay cuddled on the couch. "We make an appointment to do some testing…and see where it goes from there," he told her.

After a few moments of silence, Buffy gave out a dark chuckle. Angel didn't say anything, just let her speak. "In some twisted way it's almost funny how things are exactly the way they were when I was eighteen, and still so different." Angel just wrapped his arms around her tighter. "Back then, you were the one who couldn't give me 'normal'. And now it's me who can't give it to you."

"Hey," Angel said, gently turning her face towards him so he could look her in the eyes. "That was then, this is now. We were young and stupid back then." At Buffy's look Angel said, "Okay, so maybe I was just stupid. But things are so different now." He paused and looked at his wife's beautiful face warmly. "We'll make it work," he told her. "We always do."

A week later Angel was around the penthouse while Buffy was out doing some errands. They had gone to see a doctor earlier in the week and had some testing done to see if they could get pregnant. The doctor said that he would call within a few days to let the couple know their results, and both Buffy and Angel had been pretty tense the past few days while they were waiting. When the phone rang, Angel quickly picked it up, as he and Buffy had been doing since they went to the doctor.

"Hello?" Angel answered.

"Mr. Gallagher? It's Dr. Brown; I saw you and your wife last week?" came a man's voice over the phone.

"Dr. Brown, hi," Angel said, anxious for some good news.

"I just got your test results back from the lab this morning and I thought I would call right away."

"Okay…" It was hard to tell from the doctor's voice if it was good results or bad results.

"What we found is that your wife is unable to support the sperm that get through to her uterus." Angel's stomach dropped at the doctor's words. "But this doesn't mean that you can't try; I've seen many couples with this problem conceive."

"Um, okay…thank you," Angel said numbly before saying goodbye and hanging up. He was just standing in the living room, trying to process what the doctor had told him when Buffy walked in.

"Hey!" she said cheerfully as she struggles to close the door while still holding a few shopping bags. "You wouldn't believe the traffic on the-" her good spirits melted away when she saw the expression on Angel's face. "Oh God, what happened?" she asked, afraid to know the answer.

"I uh…Dr. Brown just called," he told her slowly.

Buffy was starting to get nervous. "And…" she prompted.

"He said that um…" Angel fumbled to say the right words.

"Angel, you're scaring me, what'd he say?" Buffy said, getting seriously worried now.

"He said that you're, uh, uterus is unable to…house…me…"

Buffy just stared at him, waiting for him to crack a smile and say that he was joking and everything was fine with them. When he didn't, she dropped her bags to the floor and sat down in the nearest chair. "Did he say anything else?" she said after a few moments.

Angel sat in the chair across from her and took her hand in his. "That we could keep trying. He said he's seen couples like us get pregnant before. It's not impossible."

"Okay," Buffy said, taking a deep breath to calm herself. "Okay, so we just keep on trying," she said, looking up at her husband.

Angel nodded, looking her in the eyes, trying any way he could to reassure her that everything would work itself out. He hoped he was right.


	3. Chapter 3

**I watched you suffer a dull, aching pain**  
 **Now you decided to show me the same**  
 **No sweeping exits or offstage lines,**  
 **Can make me feel bitter or treat you unkind**

In the months that followed the call from Buffy and Angel's doctor, the couple had been trying to stay as positive as they could and not give up hope. It was hard not to just give up when they had come this far and beaten the odds to get where they were only to find out that they might not to have what they've always wanted; a family.

One afternoon, Angel was at the slayer training facilities doing his everyday tasks of checking in on slayers, tracking down ones that have yet to be found, and planning trips to get to them. Buffy was out with Xander getting a late lunch and doing some errands for the office. Buffy said she would call when she was doing the errands to see if there were any last minute things Angel or anyone else needed. That was almost two hours ago and Angel was starting to get concerned. It was second nature for him to worry about Buffy; it was just what he did. He tried to tell himself over and over that there was nothing that could hurt her now, they weren't in that line of work anymore and that she probably just forgot. Forgetting to call was something that Buffy would do, and she did have a lot on her mind at the moment.

Just when Angel was about to leave his office to ask Willow if she heard from Buffy, the desk phone rang. Angel dashed over to the desk and answered the phone, hoping it was Buffy.

"Mr. Gallagher?" said an unfamiliar female voice.

"Yes?" Angel replied.

"This is Judy Worth, I'm an RN at Los Angeles Memorial Hospital. You're listed as Buffy Gallagher's emergency contact. You should probably get down here as soon as possible. There's been an accident."

* * *

Angel had probably never driven faster in his exceedingly long life than he did on the way to the hospital. When he got to the ER waiting room, the first person he recognized was Xander. He was sitting in one of the waiting room chairs, his head resting in one of his hands and the other hand was holding an icepack to his knee. When he looked up as Angel entered the waiting room there was a cut above his eyebrow that had a bandage on it. Xander put down the icepack on a nearby table and winced as he stood up to face Angel.

"What happened!?" Angel asked frantically, trying to catch his breath.

Xander sighed and struggled to recount the events of that afternoon. "We were going through a green light and someone blew a red light and…it was so quick, there wasn't anything she could have done to avoid it."

"Well what happened to her? Where is she?" Angel said, wanting answers.

"She's…" Xander started before trailing off as he looked at something behind Angel. Angel looked at him, waiting for an answer and then saw that Xander was looking behind him. Angel turned around and saw that a doctor with scrubs on was approaching him. There were a few spots of blood on his scrubs and rubber gloves and since Angel couldn't smell the blood anymore, he feared that the blood belonged to Buffy.

"Mr. Gallagher?" the doctor asked Angel, who couldn't bring himself to do anything but nod back. He suddenly felt very numb. "I'm Dr. Greg Degray, your wife Buffy, was in a car accident this afternoon-"

"Yeah, I know, where is she?" Angel said, getting impatient.

"Well we've finally got her stabilized; she's broken a few ribs and has some cuts and bruising but we do need to take her into emergency surgery to repair some internal bleeding," the doctor told Angel.

Angel paused, trying to process this before saying, "So what does that mean?"

"She's going to be fine. This is very common for ER doctors and I'm confident the surgery will be a success. But there's something else that I should tell you…" he trailed off, glancing at Xander who was hovering around nearby.

Xander saw that the Doctor wanted to tell Angel something private and said, "Oh, uh…I'll go get myself some coffee," and walked towards the double doors that lead towards the stairway.

Dr. Degray pulled Angel towards a few chairs in the corner of the waiting room so they could have a little more privacy, and they sat down.

The doctor took a deep breath before continuing. "It appears that at the time of the accident, Mrs. Gallagher was pregnant." Angel's head snapped up at the doctor's words. He just sat there, staring at Dr. Degray with him mouth slightly open, unable to believe what he was hearing. "Unfortunately, due to the internal bleeding and trauma of the accident, the baby was lost. Buffy was probably only two months along, she probably wasn't even aware that she was pregnant. I'm very sorry." Dr. Degray looked at Angel for a moment before getting up and getting back to work.

Angel couldn't believe what he was just told by the doctor. They had done it. They had beaten the odds and done what science and the supernatural world told them couldn't be done. But of course, nothing could ever be easy for Angel and Buffy. Angel wondered if the Powers were ever going to give them a break and let them be happy for once.

Angel numbly walked back to where Xander had returned to sitting, now with a cup of coffee. "I called the rest of the gang, they should be here soon," Xander said quietly. Angel gave a barely perceivable nod and the two men sat in silence for a few minutes before Xander spoke again. "You know, the accident was so quick, I thought that I couldn't remember any details," Xander started slowly. "But I've just been replaying it over and over again and…I remember something." Angel barely turned his head in Xander's direction, just to let him know he was listening. "The car that blew the red light and hit us…well it was coming from the right side. It should have hit me."

This time Angel fully turned his head to face Xander, a confused look on his face. "But I figured it out," Xander said before giving a dark chuckle. "She saw the other car. She turned her car at the last second so it would hit her side…not mine. Damn slayer reflexes…" Xander finished quietly.

Angel sat there, trying to sort out all the information he had just been bombarded with. What if Buffy hadn't sacrificed herself for Xander? Would he be sitting with her now, waiting for Xander's surgery to be over, unaware of the life growing inside of her?

Xander cracked a tiny smile which vanished almost instantly, like he felt guilty for doing so. "That's just something Buffy would do though, isn't it?" Xander said, looking at Angel. They both knew very well that it wasn't the first time that Buffy had sacrificed herself for someone she loved.

Xander was right. It's exactly something Buffy would do.

* * *

A couple hours later, Dr. Degray came into the waiting room and faced the crowd that had gathered there. Willow and Dawn had arrived a few minutes after Xander called them and they had all been waiting anxiously since then.

"We've got in her recovery, the surgery went great, she's going to be fine," Dr. Degray told them with a smile on his face.

The group breathed a collective sigh of relief at the good news. Angel immediately stood up and asked to see Buffy. Dr. Degray nodded and said, "Of course. She's still asleep right now but the anesthesia should wear off soon and she'll be up then. I'll show you to her room." Angel followed the doctor down the hallway and stopped when he stopped in front of a closed door and turned to face Angel. "Obviously she doesn't know about what I told you earlier…" the doctor said, hoping Angel understood what he was talking about. Angel felt his stomach drop as the doctor reminded him of that conversation. Of course he understood what he was talking about. "Would you like me to tell her, or do you want to when she wakes up?"

"Oh, um…" Angel replied, not expecting this question. "Yeah, I'll tell her." The doctor nodded and let him in.

Angel gulped before he entered the room, bracing himself for whatever condition his wife may be in. She looked very tiny and fragile on the hospital bed; not his tough-as-nails slayer that could light up a room with her smile. Angel tentatively sat down in a chair next to her bed and took her tiny hand in his own. He saw that there was an IV poking into her skin on the backside of her hand and cringed a little as he thought about how much she hated hospitals. He sat there for what seemed like forever, just studying her sleeping face and dreading the inevitable conversation he was going to have with her.

Angel was pulled from his thoughts when Buffy's hand gave his a barely perceivable but definite squeeze. "Buffy?" he said, as he heard her groan a little and watched her eyelids flutter open. "Hey baby, how are you feeling?" Angel asked her with a warm smile, grateful that she was awake.

"Hey," she said, her voice still hoarse. She struggled to sit up and winced as soon as she did so. "Oh God, it feels like I got hit by a truck," she murmured.

"You broke a few ribs…Buffy, do you remember what happened…" Angel asked cautiously.

Buffy wrinkled her face in concentration. "Um, I was driving…Xander was there and then there was…" Her concentration turned to panic as everything that happened came rushing back to her. "Oh God, Xander, is he-"

"He's fine," Angel answered for her. "Just a few cuts and bruises, he's out in the waiting room with everyone else." Angel took a deep breath as he prepared himself for the news he was dreading to tell her. "Like I said, you broke a few ribs and there was some internal bleeding that was repaired surgically."

Buffy gave a soft snort and said, "Figures…I never was a good driver." Angel gave a tiny smile at her attempt at a joke, not wanting to reveal that he knew that it was because of her sacrifice that she was lying in a hospital bed.

"Buffy, there's something else that the doctor told me…" Angel started. When Buffy didn't say anything he sighed and continued. "He said that they were able to determine that at the time of the accident…" Angel tried not to look at his wife's expectant face, knowing what he was about to tell her would crush her. "You were pregnant."

Buffy's eyes widened at what her husband told her. "What…" she said, getting a little breathless. " 'Were'…what do you mean  _'were'_?" she finished quietly.

"The baby was…lost in the accident. The doctor said that you weren't that far along and probably wouldn't have known for a few more weeks," Angel told her.

Buffy covered her hand with her mouth as tears welled in her eyes. "I was… _pregnant?_ " she said with her voice cracking on the last word. Angel just nodded. He felt a few tears spring to his own eyes as he watched his wife break down. "Oh my God," she said. "It's all my fault! The car… and I turned and…Oh God…" she cried.

Angel reached over to her and took her hand with one of his and wiped away her tears with his other hand. "Hey, hey, shh…listen to me," Angel said quietly. "You did what you did because you are a good person who cares about the people she loves. Look, we beat the odds. We proved the Powers wrong, and if we can do it once, we can do it again. We can do this Buffy. It's not over yet."

Buffy gave a little sniffle and nodded weakly, suddenly remembering that she told him something similar years ago…  _"It is_ never _over…"_

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

**I know I dreamed you a sin and a lie,**   
**I have my freedom but I don't have much time**   
**Faith has been broken, tears must be cried,**   
**Let's do some living after we die**

Buffy tried to never think of that day five months ago when she came so close to getting what she and Angel had dreamed for their entire lives. She wrapped herself up in work, trying not to dwell on her failures. A failure. That's how she sometimes thought of herself these days. She now understood how Angel felt when he left her when she was eighteen. Back then she was the one with the world at her fingertips but Angel thought he was holding her back. Now, Angel was the one who could now get whatever he wanted and it was Buffy that was the problem. Even though their situation sucked, to be putting it bluntly, Buffy was almost glad that they had an understanding of each other's actions all those years ago.

Buffy and Willow were at work in one of the training rooms with two new slayers that had just been brought there. They were working on sparring with each other with wooden staffs while Willow and Buffy stood off to the side by the door and watched.

"Kelly! You're not watching her torso! You're focusing too much on the staff, but she can't go anywhere without her torso! Focus on that," Buffy yelled to one of the girls as one of the older slayers, Rachel, walked in with some lunch from a fast food place down the street. Willow looked over at Buffy, a little concerned that she had been snapping at the girls like this all morning. Buffy had been acting a little strange since her accident, but that was months ago…

Rachel came over to stand by Willow and Buffy as Buffy closed her eyes and rubbed her forehead with her hand and sighed. "Are you feeling okay?" Willow asked her.

"I don't know, I feel a little off, but I'm just tired. I've been working a lot lately and-Oh Lord what is that … _smell!_ " Buffy exclaimed, looking at the food that Rachel was eating.

"Hey! What's wrong with Taco Bell?" Rachel said back to her before taking another bite.

Buffy cringed at the food as Willow ignored what Rachel said and asked quietly, "Did you throw up again this morning?" Buffy reluctantly nodded.

"Jeeze," Rachel said, her mouth full of burrito. "You've been cranky all day, you don't feel good, and Taco Bell repulses you. What're you pregnant or something?" Rachel murmured jokingly, completely unaware of Buffy's personal troubles.

She was so focused on her burrito that she missed Buffy and Willow look at each other with wide eyes before running out of the room.

* * *

"Oh God, I can't do it, I can't do it. You look," Buffy said, her eyes squeezed shut. After Rachel's comment, Buffy and Willow made a mad dash to the nearest drug store and bought as many pregnancy tests as they could carry. They locked themselves in the bathroom of Buffy and Angel's penthouse and all five pregnancy tests were laid out on the counter as the two women waited for time to be up. Buffy had stopped her pacing about a minute ago and was now sitting on the edge of the bathtub and was jiggling her right foot nervously.

"Okay, I'll look," Willow said, trying to be calm, but there was a little anxiety evident in her voice. Buffy held her breath and stared at Willow's back as she looked at the tests on the counter. After what seemed like an eternity Willow gave a gasp of surprise and turned to face Buffy.

"What…what is it!?" Buffy asked frantically. She felt like she was going to explode from anticipation.

A huge smile broke out on Willow's face as she said in whispered excitement, "Buffy, you're going to have a baby…"


	5. Epilouge

**Wild horses,**   
**Couldn't drag me away,**   
**Wild, wild horses,**   
**We'll ride them someday**

Angel closed the door behind him as softly as he could and quietly stepped into the dimly lit room. He walked over to the two chairs and table in the corner and placed his cup of coffee down amidst the half dozen or so vases of flowers and balloons that were on the table. He looked over at the hospital bed and was glad to see that Buffy was finally getting some sleep. She'd had a long and rough night. He walked over to the clear plastic hospital crib that was right next to the bed and peered in to look at the sleeping bundle. Angel smiled and gingerly scooped up his son as he started to stir. As Brody Gallagher opened his tiny eyes, Angel could see that they were exactly like his mother's. There was a little bit of dark brown fuzz on his head, and Dawn had sworn earlier that he would have the same brooding looks as his father when he was grown up.

"Hey there little guy," Angel whispered to his son as he brushed his finger across Brody's cheek. Brody reached up with a tiny hand and wrapped his fingers around Angel's. Angel let out a little chuckle and said, "That's right, I'm your Daddy." He then turned the baby so that he was facing Buffy, asleep in the bed. "And that's your Mommy right there. She's pretty, isn't she?" When Brody gave a little gurgle, Angel laughed quietly and said, "Yeah, I think so too." He looked from his wife back to his son. "And we both love you so much; you really don't know how special you are," Angel said with a sad smile as he thought about everything he and Buffy had gone through to get to where they were now.

Angel Gallagher, once a drunken Irishman turned Scourge of Europe turned Champion, looked at his wife and son and knew that this is what he was brought back from hell for; this was his purpose. He now had everything that he had been waiting nearly three centuries for.


End file.
